Let’s be real—most of us were handed a set of “coping tools” that are about as useful as a flip phone in 2024. We were raised by generations who didn’t have a solid grasp on boundaries, much less healthy ones, and it shows in the way we’ve been taught to process emotions, treat our bodies, navigate relationships, and pursue success. The result? A lot of us are struggling with anxiety, burnout, disappointment, and a nagging feeling of being stuck—all while wondering what we’re doing wrong.

But here’s the truth: It’s not you. It’s the broken tools you were given.

Outdated Tools That Don’t Work (And Never Really Did)

We were taught to bottle up our emotions or “power through” them instead of learning how to process and regulate them. Crying was often met with “stop being dramatic,” and being upset was treated as an inconvenience rather than a valid experience. Many of us internalized the belief that struggling means we’re failing—so we’ve learned to hide it or numb it instead.

We were told to push our bodies to the limit rather than listen to them. Hustle culture glorified exhaustion, and self-care was an afterthought—something to earn after we’ve completely drained ourselves.

In relationships, we absorbed conflicting messages about love and loyalty. Many of us witnessed unhealthy dynamics modeled as “normal,” so we struggle to distinguish between connection and codependency, between compromise and self-abandonment. And when it comes to expectations of others, we were often taught to demand people show up for us in a certain way instead of assessing whether how they naturally show up aligns with what we actually want or need.

And let’s talk about success—because we were raised to believe that if we just grind hard enough, if we meet certain expectations, if we check all the right boxes, then fulfillment and happiness will automatically follow. Spoiler alert: That’s not how it works.

Moving Beyond Outdated Norms

Here’s the hard part: if we don’t recognize the broken tools we’ve been using, we’ll keep running the same patterns, hitting the same walls, and feeling the same disappointments. We’ll continue assuming that the way we were taught to handle life is “just the way things are.” But in reality, it’s optional.

What if, instead of forcing outdated coping mechanisms to work, we gave ourselves permission to build new ones? What if we questioned everything we were taught about emotions, relationships, and success and instead created systems that actually work for us?

Healthy coping isn’t about suppressing feelings or toughing it out. It’s about learning to regulate emotions in a way that acknowledges them instead of fearing them.

It’s about treating our bodies with care rather than punishment—understanding that rest isn’t a reward, it’s a requirement.

It’s about letting people show up as they are instead of expecting them to meet a specific mold—and then taking the responsibility to decide whether their way of showing up aligns with what we want.

It’s about redefining success on our terms instead of chasing someone else’s version of fulfillment.

Awareness is Power

When we stop running on autopilot and start questioning the narratives we’ve inherited, we gain the power to rewrite our own story. Therapy can be a great place to start unpacking these patterns and building healthier, more effective ways of coping. If you’re ready to dig deeper into what’s keeping you stuck, you don’t have to do it alone. Click here to schedule a session and start exploring what healthy coping looks like for you.