Let’s be real. There are two sides to every boundary and sometimes we can take boundaries a little too far – so what does that look like?

So let’s say you’ve reached the point you now understand what healthy boundaries are. You understand your partner needs time to unwind after work. You don’t expect a full heart-to-heart the minute they walk in the door. So you wait. You hold off. You give them the space they say they need—even when you’re just as tired, just as full, just as human.

But then an hour passes.
Then a night.
Then days.
And your needs? They somehow never get their turn.

You keep trying to be supportive. You believe in boundaries. You get that nervous systems need downtime. But let’s be honest: at some point, “I need space” starts to feel less like a healthy boundary… and more like a wall.

We’ve now entered one-sided boundaries.

When Boundaries Start Blocking Connection

By this point, we all recognize that boundaries are important. Non-negotiable, actually. We realize we all need room to recharge and reset. But in relationships, it’s important to remember that boundaries are supposed to protect connection—not replace it.

If one partner’s need for space becomes the default setting, and the other’s needs are constantly put on hold, something’s off.
It’s no longer a healthy dynamic—it’s emotional unavailability hiding behind a good excuse.

And most of the time, it’s not done maliciously. It usually comes from unexamined habits like:

• Poor time management of responsibilities and/or priorities
• Poor stress management skills
• Not recognizing our own limits or being unwilling to admit them
• Misunderstanding what life balance actually means – which includes rest, connection, intimacy, etc. (not just responsibilities)
• Perfectionism in pursuit of achievement at the cost of connection
• Believing stress is just part of life instead of actually managing it
• Generational patterns and norms that value productivity over emotional presence

So What Can Shift?

If you’re finding yourself or your partner is constantly “at capacity” and not emotionally available, here’s where to start looking:

• How you’re spending your time
  If you’re always “too busy,” it may be time to ask: What’s taking up my energy—and what am I sacrificing for it? If your partner never makes the cut, that’s not a coincidence. It’s a pattern.
• Whether you’re acknowledging your limits
  You don’t have to be everything to everyone. But pretending you can handle it all while emotionally checking out at home? That just shifts the weight onto someone else.
• What you believe about stress and intimacy
  If you believe connection comes after everything else is handled, it’ll always stay on the back burner. Relationships don’t work like that—they require investment now, not “someday.”
• The patterns you inherited
  Maybe you were taught that being productive = being valuable. But the people who love you? They just want you. Not your performance. Not your output. Just you.
• If space has become your only tool
  Taking breaks is healthy. But if your only coping strategy is retreat, you’re not actually regulating—you’re avoiding. And your partner feels the distance.
• How perfectionism is getting in the way
  You don’t have to show up perfectly. You just have to show up honestly. Vulnerability doesn’t need polish—it needs presence.
• Whether you’re expecting to receive what you’re not giving
  Warmth, support, closeness—these things don’t just appear. If you’re not offering emotional presence, it’s not fair to expect it in return.

Emotional Availability Is a Responsibility

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to be perfect.
But it does mean you need to be present.

Your nervous system matters. Your stress is valid. But none of that cancels out your responsibility to co-create a relationship that works for both of you.

Boundaries aren’t about checking out when it gets hard. They’re about protecting a space where you both feel respected and safe to be yourselves in a healthy, balanced way.

If your partner has been meeting you with grace, patience, and care—don’t leave them hanging. Relationships can only grow when effort is mutual.

If You’re Feeling Stuck: This Is Your Turning Point

Whether you’re the one giving space or the one constantly waiting for it to end, you both deserve something better than emotional stalemates.

If you’ve been the partner holding on, adjusting, offering grace without ever feeling like it’s returned—it’s okay to say:
“This isn’t working for me anymore.”

That’s not an ultimatum. That’s honesty. It’s an invitation for change.

And if you’ve been the partner who’s unintentionally gone quiet—who’s always overwhelmed, or afraid you’ll mess it up—you don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to show up. Try. Repair. Be real.

Relationships can shift. Patterns can change.
But it starts with recognizing that connection isn’t just nice to have—it’s the point.

If you’re struggling with this, therapy is a great place to help you get unstuck. It can help you understand where these patterns started—whether rooted in perfectionism, overwhelm, fear, or old stories from childhood—and how to create a new, more connected dynamic.

Because love can’t grow in constant distance.
It grows when we stay. When we soften. When we create space and try again.