You know those thoughts that show up uninvited?
The ones that sneak in before you’ve even had your first sip of coffee…
That follow you into the shower, ride shotgun on your commute, wedge themselves between work meetings, show up when your head hits the pillow, and even interrupt you when you’re out trying to have fun?

They’re like background noise you can’t turn off—except it’s not just noise. It’s draining. It’s stressful. And it robs you of being fully in your life.

When your brain is stuck in anxious spiraling, your nervous system is in constant “go mode.” That high-alert state creates more tension, more stress, and—you guessed it—more spiraling.

But here’s the thing:
Those spirals aren’t random. They’re messengers. And they’re trying to tell you something important about what needs attention, what’s out of balance, or what’s no longer working in your life.

What Spiraling Thoughts Are Really Pointing To

Sometimes the reason behind a spiral is obvious. More often, it’s buried under habits, old beliefs, or expectations we’ve never questioned.

It could be:

• Unrealistic expectations for yourself or others (“I should have figured this out by now.”)
• Low self-worth or a negative self-image
• Poor time management that keeps you in a constant state of catch-up
• Living in the potential of a situation instead of the reality
• Vague or unrealistic goals that make action feel impossible
• Poor boundaries for yourself or with others
• No healthy regulation tools to calm down in the moment
• Believing every thought is fact (and worth spiraling over)
• Overreliance on unhelpful thinking styles (assuming the worst, jumping to conclusions, etc.)
• Avoiding acceptance—of your limitations, your life, or other people
• Assuming thinking more = solving more (spoiler: it doesn’t)
• Unchecked perfectionism that makes “good enough” feel like failure
• No plan for the unexpected or the unknown
• Not separating what’s in your control from what’s not
• Unresolved/unprocessed trauma
• Missing key skills—like communication, decision-making, problem-solving, or asking for help

And here’s the kicker: when you don’t slow down to identify the root cause, the spiral stays in control. You keep thinking, “If I just figure it out in my head, it’ll go away,” but all that does is deepen the rut.

Why Stopping Feels So Hard (and So Necessary)

If you’ve been spiraling for a while, it might even feel like thinking harder will eventually lead to relief. But the truth is—the spiral itself is the problem, not the solution.

Breaking the cycle starts with doing the uncomfortable thing: stopping long enough to examine what’s actually going on.

It means asking yourself:

• What exactly am I spiraling about?
• Which pieces of this are truly in my control?
• Am I expecting something unrealistic from myself or someone else?
• What specific skill, process, or support would help me move forward?

This isn’t about obsessively replaying the problem. It’s about getting clarity. Clarity about what you can do, what you can’t do, and what’s actually worth your energy.

Why Clarity Is the Key to Calm

Most of life’s problems aren’t about a lack of intelligence—they’re about a lack of clarity and a lack of effective processes to support us.
When you’re clear on what’s in your control, you can put your energy into action instead of anxiety.

Maybe that clarity leads you to:

• Restructure your work deadlines so you’re not constantly behind
• Set healthier expectations with your partner so both your needs are met
• Create a plan for handling your parent’s last-minute “urgent” calls
• Adjust your goals so they’re realistic and actionable

The point isn’t to control everything—it’s to understand what you actually can control, and then focus your effort there.

Quick, In-the-Moment Tools While You’re Working on the Root

Root work takes time. In the meantime, you can calm your nervous system with:

• Mindfulness practices (notice the smell of your coffee, the warmth of your shower)
• Meditation (even 2–5 minutes)
• Journaling to get the thoughts out of your head and onto paper
• Walks to physically reset your mind
• Grounding exercises (five things you see, four you feel, three you hear…)
• Deep breathing (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6)
• Body scans to find and release tension

Think of these as emotional first aid—tools that help you soothe in the short term while you work on lasting change.

The Bottom Line

You can’t break the cycle of spiraling thoughts by thinking more.
You break it by stopping, getting honest clarity about what’s really fueling them, setting realistic expectations for what’s in your control, and creating an intentional plan to address those things.

That’s how you move from mental burnout to mental relief.

Therapy can be a powerful space to help you untangle the “why” behind your spirals, identify what’s actually in your control, and build the skills to keep your mind calm long term.

If you’re ready to stop running on mental fumes and start creating real change, click here to schedule a session.