Picture this: You’re sitting across from a friend or colleague, hoping to connect. The conversation flows, and before you know it, you’ve started oversharing—details you didn’t plan to say, thoughts you didn’t mean to spill out so raw. In the moment, it feels like connection. But afterwards? Cue the anxiety. You start replaying every word, worrying you exposed too much, didn’t represent yourself well, or maybe even made things awkward. What was meant to be a moment of authenticity turns into self-criticism, regret, and the uncomfortable feeling of being overly vulnerable.

Welcome to one of the most common ways we cross our own boundaries.

What Are Boundaries, Really?

Boundaries aren’t just about saying “no” to others—they’re about knowing where you end and someone else begins. They’re the invisible lines that protect your well-being, your values, and your sense of self. And they come in different forms:

• Intellectual boundaries: The ideas, thoughts, and opinions we choose to share.
• Physical boundaries: Our comfort with touch and personal space.
• Sexual boundaries: Our ability to say yes or no to intimacy.
• Emotional boundaries: How and when we share our feelings and personal experiences.
• Material boundaries: What we’re willing to share when it comes to money or possessions.
• Time boundaries: How we choose to dedicate our time to people, work, rest, hobbies, and relationships.

Each of us has all of these, but how flexible or firm they are often depends on what was modeled in our upbringing or where we’ve most often felt violated in our past.

Everyday Ways We Cross Our Own Boundaries

We often think of boundaries as something others cross, but the truth is—we violate our own just as often. Here are some common examples:

• Intellectual: Agreeing with someone’s opinion in conversation when you don’t actually agree, just to avoid conflict.
• Emotional: Oversharing in a moment of raw emotion, then regretting it later.
• Physical: Hugging someone when you weren’t comfortable, but didn’t want to “seem rude.”
• Time: Saying yes to a commitment you don’t have the bandwidth for, leaving yourself drained and resentful.
• Material: Lending money or possessions you really didn’t want to part with.

The consequences? Anxiety, embarrassment, self-doubt, resentment, anger, or feeling disrespected. Many of us end up in spirals of overthinking, replaying situations in our heads and wondering what others thought, when the real issue is—we didn’t honor our own boundaries in the first place.

Why Do We Do This?

At our core, humans are wired for connection. We want to be seen, understood, and accepted. Sometimes that longing drives us to overshare, to give too much of ourselves, or to enter interactions raw and unfiltered—hoping others will “get it” and not judge us.

And sometimes that works—there are people in our lives who truly “get us” with little effort. But not every situation, and not every person, can hold that kind of space. When we expect others to automatically know and respect our boundaries without us first clarifying or protecting them, we set ourselves up for disappointment.

The Real Issue

The underlying problem is the assumption that other people will just automatically respect our boundaries. The truth? They often don’t—because they can’t if we don’t first define and uphold them ourselves.

That’s why it’s important to pause and ask:

• What am I seeking in this situation right now?
• Is this a realistic expectation?
• Is the other person capable of meeting me in that space?

This isn’t about being guarded or distrusting—it’s about practicing discernment and self-respect. Different situations call for different levels of openness, and we get to choose what feels right for us.

Boundaries in Action

Think of the people in your life:

• There’s likely someone you’d never be late to meet because you know punctuality matters to them.
• Someone you’d never overshare with, because they’re not the type to process emotions deeply.
• Someone whose privacy you’d never violate, because they’ve made it clear that’s important.

Now compare that with the friend who constantly overshares, lends money they never get back, or shows up late but still expects everyone else’s patience. The difference? Boundaries.

We naturally show up differently for people who demonstrate clear boundaries versus those who don’t.

So What’s the Takeaway?

Boundaries are not about shutting people out—they’re about making relationships healthier. They help us feel safe enough to be authentic, while still protecting our emotional energy and self-respect.

If you find yourself often leaving conversations feeling misunderstood, anxious, or regretful, it may be a sign you’re crossing your own boundaries without realizing it. The good news is, boundaries are skills. They can be identified, practiced, and strengthened over time.

Final Thoughts

It’s completely normal to want to walk through life being your raw, authentic self. But authenticity and boundaries aren’t opposites—they’re partners. True authenticity includes knowing where your lines are, and respecting them.

If you’re struggling to figure out where your boundaries are or how to honor them, therapy can be a powerful space to process these challenges, practice new skills, and learn how to protect yourself while still staying open to connection.

Schedule a session here for more support in building healthier boundaries.