Let’s talk about coping—real coping. Not the kind where you just white-knuckle your way through life or tell yourself, “It is what it is.” There’s a big difference between actually coping with something and simply tolerating it, suppressing it, or pretending it doesn’t bother you. And that difference? It determines whether you’re truly healing and growing or just surviving.

Coping vs. Tolerating: What’s the Difference?

Coping means actively engaging in behaviors, thoughts, and emotions that help you process, adapt to, and eventually move forward from a challenge. It’s intentional, it’s effective, and it leads to real change.

Tolerating, on the other hand, is when you endure something without actually addressing it. You push it down, power through, or distract yourself. You might seem fine on the surface, but internally, the weight of what you’re carrying never really goes away—it just lingers, affecting your mood, relationships, and mental well-being over time.

Actual Coping Strategies vs. Just Tolerating

Coping (Healthy Processing & Healing)	Tolerating (Suppressing & Enduring)
Talking to a therapist, friend, or journal to process emotions	Saying “I don’t want to talk about it” and bottling it up
Setting boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health	Allowing toxic behaviors because it feels easier than addressing them
Practicing mindfulness or meditation to regulate stress	Numbing out with distractions like social media, binge-watching, or overworking
Learning from past mistakes and making changes	Repeating patterns but hoping for different outcomes
Engaging in self-care that genuinely restores you	Using temporary “escapes” like alcohol, shopping, or food to feel better temporarily
Acknowledging emotions and allowing yourself to feel them	Saying “I’m fine” when you’re really not

The Consequences of Tolerating Instead of Coping

When we tolerate instead of cope, we don’t actually resolve anything. That emotional buildup finds a way to come out—whether it’s through anxiety, resentment, burnout, or feeling emotionally detached. It can show up in unhealthy relationship dynamics, low self-worth, or even physical symptoms like chronic fatigue or tension headaches.

Over time, just “dealing with it” can make you feel stuck in cycles of frustration, exhaustion, or emotional numbness. And the worst part? You may not even realize you’re doing it because so many of us were taught that this is normal. That pushing through is strength. That needing help is weakness.

But real strength? It’s recognizing what you need and matching the right tools to that need. It’s choosing to process rather than suppress. It’s unlearning coping mechanisms that don’t actually serve you and replacing them with ones that do.

Are Your Coping Tools Really Working for You?

Ask yourself:

• Are my go-to coping strategies helping me feel lighter, clearer, and more emotionally stable?
• Do I feel like I’m growing from my challenges, or just surviving them?
• Am I using strategies that I was taught (but don’t actually help me), or have I discovered what truly works for me?
• Am I giving myself permission to feel, heal, and change, or am I stuck in “this is just how it is” thinking?

If you’re ready to explore how to shift from tolerating to truly coping, therapy can be a powerful space to unpack, understand, and reframe the way you handle challenges. You don’t have to navigate it alone—sometimes, we need guidance in finding the right tools for real healing.

Schedule a session today and start building coping strategies that actually work for you.