Authenticity is one of those buzzwords we all seem to chase—something we hear about constantly yet struggle to define in real, practical terms. Many of us think we’re being authentic, but in reality, we were handed a misleading blueprint: the belief that we must perform, mold, and adjust ourselves to fit certain societal or social expectations in order to be accepted, valued, or loved. And in doing so, we’ve unknowingly distanced ourselves from our true selves.

The Illusion of Fitting In

From a young age, we’re conditioned to seek approval. We learn to be the “good” child, the high achiever, the easygoing friend, the responsible one. We pick up on subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) cues about what’s “acceptable” and shape ourselves accordingly. This might mean minimizing parts of our personalities, silencing our true opinions, or adapting our values to align with the expectations of those around us.

The problem? When we build ourselves upon the foundation of external validation, we create an endless feedback loop of looking outward to define who we are. We become performers, constantly checking if we are “getting it right,” and in doing so, we lose connection with the most essential part of our being—our authentic self.

What Authenticity Actually Is

Brené Brown describes authenticity as “the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” True authenticity doesn’t come from proving ourselves to others or making sure we fit in—it starts internally. It begins with taking the time to clarify our own values, opinions, and beliefs—what truly makes sense to us—before deciding how we want to express that truth in the world.

This doesn’t mean rejecting the idea of belonging. As humans, we naturally crave connection, acceptance, and community. But too often, we let our need for belonging dictate our identity rather than allowing our identity to determine how we engage with the world around us. When we prioritize external approval as our foundation, we risk losing our own sense of self in the process.

How We Lose Ourselves

Consider these common scenarios:

• You hesitate to share your real opinion in a conversation because you’re afraid it won’t be well-received.
• You shape your personality to match those around you, fearing you won’t be liked if you show up as yourself.
• You second-guess your decisions, wondering if they align with what you “should” be doing rather than what actually feels right for you.
• You compare yourself to others, measuring your success, worth, and happiness based on someone else’s journey instead of your own.

This way of living is exhausting. It creates anxiety, self-doubt, and overthinking. And it’s not sustainable. A life built on external validation will always require more and more validation to feel stable—except it never truly does.

The Benefits of Embracing Authenticity

When we shift our perspective and start from within, everything changes. By defining our own values first, we create a foundation that is stable and deeply rooted. Instead of questioning ourselves at every turn, we begin to experience:

✔️ Less self-doubt and second-guessing

✔️ More acceptance of others’ differing opinions without feeling threatened

✔️ No more comparing ourselves to someone else’s path or success

✔️ A stronger ability to evaluate what we believe and why—on our own terms

✔️ Greater capacity for growth and self-improvement without fear of losing ourselves

✔️ Reduced anxiety and overthinking

✔️ The ability to exist in flow, rather than constantly performing

When we know who we are at our core, we don’t have to constantly seek external validation. We move through life with more ease, confidence, and peace.

Doing the Work

Understanding authenticity isn’t just about having an “aha” moment—it’s an ongoing process of self-reflection, unlearning old patterns, and making conscious choices about how we show up in the world. It takes work. It requires courage. But the freedom and stability that come with it are worth it.

Therapy can be an incredibly helpful space to explore and process your relationship with authenticity. If you’re ready to start questioning, redefining, and embracing your true self, consider scheduling a session for support. Click here to book an appointment.