Somehow it still feels like early fall—like you were just drinking that first pumpkin cream cold brew—and yet it also somehow feels like it’s January 1st already. The calendar flips, the days blur, and suddenly you can feel the weight of what’s coming: the gatherings, the travel plans, the cooking, the outfits, the gift lists, the constant juggling of everything.

You tell yourself, this year I’m going to hold onto it better—stay grounded, present, and really enjoy it.
But somehow, every year ends the same way: we blink, it’s the new year, the decorations are still up, we’re 10 pounds heavier, emotionally drained, and frustrated that once again, it felt like we just went through the motions. We meant to slow down. We meant to savor it. But somehow, it slipped away again.

Why It’s So Hard to Stay Present

It’s not that we don’t care. If anything, we care too much. We want things to be special, meaningful, memorable. But there are so many forces working against our best intentions this time of year.

There are family expectations—the unspoken rules about who hosts, who brings what, who shows up, who stays too long.
There’s the fantasy of the “perfect” holiday we’ve seen in movies and on Instagram—the tablescapes, matching pajamas, perfect lighting, happy families who never seem to argue or forget the mashed potatoes in the oven.
There’s the pressure to do it all—to be at every event, make every recipe, buy every gift, look put-together, and somehow still enjoy it all.
Then there’s the emotional undercurrent no one really talks about: the family dynamics that resurface, the subtle guilt trips, the social exhaustion, the emotional numbing we use just to get through it.

And for so many of us—especially the ones who naturally take charge—we end up carrying the invisible mental load of the season. We’re not just managing logistics; we’re carrying the emotional weight of everyone else’s expectations too.

It’s like trying to grab smoke.
By the time you notice it, it’s already disappearing.
And what’s left behind is frustration, emptiness, and that familiar sense of, How did that go by so fast again?

The Truth Is: It’s Not Just the Holidays

This feeling doesn’t only show up at the end of the year. It follows us through almost every major event or milestone in life.

Moving into a new home. Starting a new job. Getting married. Having a baby. Going on a long-awaited trip. Even trying to catch the changing colors of the fall leaves or the first blooms of spring.

We chase the moment, wanting to feel it fully—to hold it, capture it, make it last—and yet we often end up feeling more disconnected and anxious than fulfilled. There’s a bittersweet beauty in that push and pull. The desire to attach to something fleeting. To make it perfect. To hold onto a season that was never meant to stay.

But here’s what tends to happen: when we start obsessing over making something meaningful, we actually start to lose the meaning. The more we try to control how it looks, the less we’re able to actually experience it.

When “Making the Most of It” Makes Us Miss It

We go into these seasons with the best intentions—wanting to make memories, connect, and savor every moment—but when that turns into an insistence that it must look or feel a certain way, we set ourselves up for disappointment.

We start trying to control:

• The plans, the timing, the atmosphere.
• Everyone’s mood and reactions.
• Every little detail that could “ruin” the vibe.

But control is sneaky. It disguises itself as care, love, effort. And while wanting things to go well is natural, control is an illusion.

Because the truth is—life will still life.
Someone will get sick. The store will run out of the ingredient you need. You’ll wake up feeling off, or have a fight with your partner, or your child will have a meltdown, or the weather will change your plans.

And no amount of pushing, planning, or perfection will protect us from that.
Trying harder doesn’t make it feel better.
It just makes us more exhausted—and more disconnected from what actually matters.

The Shift: From Control to Experience

The biggest change we can offer ourselves this season isn’t another planner, schedule, or system. It’s an inner shift—a quiet, intentional practice of releasing control so we can actually live inside the moments we work so hard to create.

Here’s where to start shifting:

Imagine what it might feel like to detach from how it’s supposed to look.
When we let go of the image in our head—the perfectly cooked meal, the perfectly timed day, the perfectly happy faces—we make space for the kind of moments that can’t be staged. The messy, unscripted ones that catch us off guard and make us laugh until we cry. The kind where the cookies burned, but you all ended up eating them anyway. Where the power went out during dinner, and everyone sat around candlelight telling stories. Where someone spilled wine, and you realized, in that tiny, chaotic moment—you were actually having fun.

These are the moments that end up living in our hearts the longest. The ones that unfold when we stop curating and start experiencing.

Now, imagine focusing more on the experience than the outcome.
What if your goal wasn’t to “get through” the to-do list or “make it perfect,” but to feel present while doing it? To enjoy the way the dough feels under your hands, the smell of cinnamon in the oven, the way the air changes when everyone walks through the front door. When we let go of performing the holiday and instead let ourselves live it, the moments start to expand instead of blur.

This isn’t just about the events themselves—it’s about the process, too.
Even the planning can be an experience worth appreciating. The cozy nights wrapping gifts with music on in the background. The simple satisfaction of checking one thing off your list at a time. The way a small act of preparation becomes an act of love when you do it with presence instead of pressure.

You can also start to find the sparkle in the small things.
You don’t have to wait for the “big moment” to feel joy. It’s in your morning coffee before the house wakes up. It’s in the small silence between songs in the car. It’s in the moment your friend hugs you a little longer than usual. These are the things you’ll remember—not because they were big, but because you were there for them.

And then there’s acceptance—not the passive kind that says “whatever,” but the grounded kind that says, “this is what’s real right now.”
Acceptance means noticing the small things that don’t go as planned and choosing to breathe through them instead of trying to fix them. It’s being okay with the imperfection, and even learning to see the beauty in it. When we practice acceptance, we stop fighting reality—and that’s when peace finally has room to enter.

And finally, care for yourself first.
Before you pour another cup for someone else, pause and ask yourself what you need. Maybe it’s a quiet morning walk, a few minutes of deep breathing before guests arrive, or letting yourself say “no” without guilt. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s what allows you to stay connected to the world around you. When you’re nourished and grounded, you experience more, laugh more, notice more. You’re not performing the holidays—you’re actually living them.

So this year, instead of trying to capture every perfect moment, try to live inside them.
Because when we loosen our grip and stop trying to control how things look, we finally create space to feel how they really are—and that’s where the magic has always been.

A Different Way to Approach the Holidays

So what if this year, you didn’t just survive the holidays—what if you actually experienced them?
What if, instead of bracing yourself to do it all perfectly, you practiced showing up imperfectly—but fully present?

Here’s a different approach to try this season, one that’s gentler, slower, and actually sustainable:

1. Start with a full list

Begin by brain-dumping everything that’s on your mind—gifts, travel details, recipes, reminders, to-dos, all of it. Get it out of your head and onto paper. There’s something grounding about seeing it in one place instead of feeling it swirl in the back of your mind.

Then, break that list down by event or week. When everything lives in one massive, tangled web, your brain stays in survival mode. When you divide it into smaller sections, you remind yourself that you only ever need to carry this one piece at a time.

2. Focus on what’s next, not what’s later

When your mind tries to sprint ahead—worrying about next week’s party or the trip that’s still three weeks away—gently redirect yourself. The next event, the next conversation, the next task—that’s it. Everything else can wait its turn.
If you catch yourself spiraling into “what about…,” pause and write it down. Then, let it go until you actually need to deal with it.

Think of it like chunking your mental energy into digestible pieces—so you can stay connected to the moment you’re actually in.

3. Check in with your energy and emotions often

The easiest way to lose presence is to stop noticing yourself.
Ask yourself throughout the day: How am I feeling right now? Am I grounded? Is this still feeling good—or am I starting to tighten up inside?

When it stops feeling good, that’s your cue to pause. Step outside for a breath of cold air. Sit down with your coffee and just feel the warmth in your hands. Do something small to reset before diving back in.
Presence often starts with a simple pause.

4. Refocus on the intent, not the image

You’re not here to host a perfect dinner, impress your relatives, or capture an Instagram-worthy moment. You’re here to connect, to laugh, to eat something delicious, to feel love, to share space. That’s it.

The messy, genuine parts—the burnt pie crusts, the unfiltered laughter, the kids running wild in the background—those are the ones that actually end up meaning the most. The rest? It’s just extra noise.

5. Let it be enough

Sometimes the best way to create peace during the holidays is simply to decide that what you’ve done is enough.
Enough decorating. Enough cooking. Enough socializing. Enough effort.

Letting something be “good enough” is not settling—it’s allowing yourself to have a real human experience instead of a performance.

The Practice: Coming Back to the Moment

You can think of this as a quiet daily or weekly grounding ritual. Each time you sit down to plan, cook, decorate, wrap, or reflect, take a few intentional breaths. Notice what’s around you. Smell the candle you lit. Feel the music playing in the background. Remind yourself that this—the act of preparing, of participating—is already part of the experience.

And when the chaos builds, and it feels like too much again, come back to this simple reminder:

You can’t experience something while you’re trying to control it.

Release the control. Reconnect to the moment. Return to yourself.

For More Support

If you recognize yourself in this pattern—the overthinking, the performing, the trying to hold everything together—you’re not alone. These habits often come from deep, familiar places: caretaking, perfectionism, old family roles. And therapy can be a powerful place to unpack that and practice living differently.

Schedule a therapy session with Centered Wellness — to process these experiences, explore how control shows up for you, and learn tools to build a calmer, more grounded relationship with yourself and the world around you.